Bob Dylan’s The Philosophy of Modern Sitcoms – McSweeney’s Internet Tendency


“[Dylan’s] ‘The Philosophy Of current Music,’ A complete tome Of untamed, erratic writing about music That is constructive to bedazzle and befuddle.” — Slate

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Full House

That Is usually a current Regarding the hell of trendy life. The milkman, the paperboy, the night Tv—wright here did All of it go? Vanished into the countless vacuum of time. You as quickly as had San Francisco Inside the palm of your hand. Now your spouse is lifeless, And also you’re a widower with OCD and three daughters To Increase. Your Windex can’t Forestall now. Your biggest good friend Should maneuver in Which will Assist you to. Your brcompletely different-in-regulation strikes in. Nonetheless, You will Have The power to’t cope. Your daughter drives a automotive by way of your kitchen wall, which seems To symbolize the levellessness of All of it, the inevitability of disaster, the futility of making an try. The hilarious goddess of chaos laughs Inside the nook.


A meteoric fall from grace. Your star has not solely pale, however your comet has blackened this earth. You as quickly as stood on the mountaintop, a Boston Purple Sox star, the world at your fingertips. The bottle took All of it. Now you pour beers for a dwelling. Spend your days sprucing glasses with some hayseed, Take heed to the nonsense ramblings and shut to-incoright herent babbling of your solely common clients: a pretentious psychiatrist, a know-it-all mailman, And a few unhappily married bozo, every content material to drink their lives amethod. Wright here everyone is Aware of your identify? That Was Fenmethod Park. Now it’s simply ancompletely different dusty consuming hole. Making your method On the earth right now? Takes every thing You purchased.

House Improfessionalvement

The machine has Discover your self to be The particular person. We have been as quickly as apes, pounding chests and grunting To level out male dominance and this current is a slap-in-the-face reminder of what trendyity has rendered us: cockless, impotent, a hairless jellyfish doomed. You’re now nothing with out your machine, your Binformationrd 5000 sander, your Binformationrd 8200 chainsaw, with forty-two-inch professional-bar, silicon pistons, and metallic-bucking spike. Triby way ofl, pathetic, you don’t even understand Your particular personal insignificance. You grunt like a hog in warmth in some infantile Attempt and lick up the final crumbs of your dignity. Your spouse And youngsters mock you. Your neighbor spits Low price ten-cent fortune-cookie information at you over the fence, And also you cling to it as gospel as a Outcome of it’s all You must name Fact. And your scorching rod will rust in your damp Michigan storage.

Mork and Mindy

On this current, You are the completely different, alien, a misplaced set off dropped on a lonely planet. Tright here’s not a Sacagawea right here. You’re left to navigate a merciless terra incognita with no compass. Your suspenders And also your unusual voices can’t Forestall now. Paddless, you’re slowly drowning Proper into a identifyless and icy river.

Household Issues

You are wanted nowright here, neither at home nor with neighbors. Did you Do this? You don’t know. You understand nothing save In your stalker-like obsessive love of the forbidden woman subsequent door. Her cop dad throws down the hammer. Society has shunned you as some geek, a freak in outsized spectacles and extreme-waisted denims. But you don’t play by society’s guidelines. And you don’t take guff from cops. You retain knocking for love, barging in unwelcomed, and praying to your ambivalent god that right now is the day.


You can’t escape problem. Doom hunts You thru the labyrinth. Wells are All by way of the place, and their waters run deep, can swallow you up, and gained’t spit you out. Wells are wright here they find the bones. Rivers, automotives, caves, the shadows of Evening time—hazard lurks in every cranny. You’re so helpless You’d like a collie To save tons of you. Bark and run for help. Seize your ft and drag you home. Out of some organic joke, some lark of evolution, You have been rendered extra helpless than the savage beast your ancestors as quickly as tamed by cave hearth. Your life is in her paws, and Shall be till the day she Not comes working: The day You must stand By your self and see what string the fates reduce.

Three’s Agency

Hell, two’s company. What You’d like is to be alone. This is the current for the lone wolf who has Discover your self to be the grinning conman with one gold tooth. The wolf in sheep’s clothes dying on The within. Ancompletely different day is a day too many. You’d like to cease pretending, however you’re caught with the act. Like a mime with no face paint, you shrug and juggle, painted into Your particular personal nook. Nobody is Aware of The exact you. You by no means current them.


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